I guess this is the challenge of trying to do an immersive art project, figuring out how deep it's possible to dive in without drowning. Nonetheless, I went to the rooftop of my apartment tonight with a notebook and flashlight to seek inspiration and a bit of adventure.

I don't think we're supposed to go up there. The door is locked, but our apparently very trusting super has hung the master keys to the building on a nail next to it, making it far too tempting to resist. I go up there sometimes late at night, when I feel like I need a little space from the world to do some thinking, or... maybe more honestly... brooding.

The last few days, my mind has been mush. I guess that's only natural when I've suddenly realized I'm the main character in my own fictional life story. Though it feels like a romance so far, I'm not so sure where it's going to lead me. Sitting on the roof, I contemplated where I could take it next.

I scribbled fast, but most of the ideas fell flat. I can't very well write that I jumped off the roof and died, because then, who would be writing this post? Besides, those who know me may never believe a story of suicidal tendencies, since they've really never been in my thoughts. I guess it's interesting that 50% or so of people have thought about killing themselves at one time or another. I never had. The closest I came was on a rough night, uttering the words "I hope I never wake up" to someone, I forgot who. But aside from that silly frustrated uttering, the thought has never really crossed my mind.

I started drawing some mind maps, but none of them led me to where I needed to be. I want to be sure to turn this story around, I don't want it to be a tragedy. I know this blog is just a single feed in a sea of many for most of you, and I don't want you to skip over mine because my story is depressing you. So I'm looking for an upturn, I'm searching for something believable but a little larger than life to keep you smiling while you read this.

While I was dreaming of good vibrations and tumbling aimless chicken scratch onto paper, reality presented me with a story more interesting than I could dream up. It so happens that our roof is level with the third floor of the building next door. Though I never really paid much attention to it, it turns out that if you wanted to stalk my neighbors, my roof is the ideal place for it.

I'm usually pretty oblivious to my surroundings, but the flurry of movement across the way was unmistakable. I guess I only caught the tail end of it, but a nasty fight had broke out between this guy and his girlfriend, and the moment I caught was her slapping his face and running away to slam the door to her room, locking it behind her. I watched as the guy futilely banged on the door a few times, and then quickly disappeared.

Just moments later, I see him get in his car, and speed off. This sight really hit me hard. After writing what I did the other day about my 'breakup', it was a whole lot more shocking to see something like it happen before my eyes. Part of my heart sunk, but my brain was spinning. I had to write this out, because capturing a rare moment in reality like this isn't something that just happens every day.

Every time I write, I lose track of time. Minutes tend to melt into hours and I sometimes even forget where I am. That's hard to do on a rooftop at night in the winter. A strong gust of wind quickly pulled me out of my writing induced coma and I took a look around to get a sense of how long I'd been there.

I look over and see the girl who had just moments ago (or hours, who really knows), sobbing and lying on her bed. For the first time in a while, I feel genuine sympathy for the feelings of a near stranger. I also started to feel like I was being a little creepy, looking in someone's window from the roof. I figured that it was about time to make my escape back down to the second floor before someone called the cops, but then I got distracted.

The guy who had left in such an enraged hurry was back. I stood there, wondering what was on his mind and hoping that he'd leave this poor girl alone. It's funny how I managed to take sides in what was essentially a silent movie, but knowing 'men' in general, it was probably his fault she was so upset.

But then, he surprised me. It was too dark to see it when he got out of his car, but he had brought something back with him. He goes and knocks on her door. She ignores him. He knocks again, same (lack of) response. Finally, he looks strained and yells something I can't hear, and slumps down to the floor with his back to the door. She seems moved, and finally gets up to let him in.

He sheepishly shows her what is in his hands. A small bouquet of flowers, and some heart shaped card that looks like it was made from construction paper. She looks for a moment like she's just going to throw them right back at them, then she reads what's inside the card. They spend a long time looking at each other, and I can feel the tension, even from across the way.

In time, they come together in a loving embrace, she kisses him softly, and they sit down on the bed together. As they continued to talk, I realized that I've certainly overstayed my welcome on the roof, and that it's time for me to return to my own life, rather than simply watching others live out theirs.

In an instant, everything has come undone. I'm sitting here, looking at my screen, realizing that I've never been on the roof of my building, and that I don't think I've ever tried to look into the building next to mine, never mind whether it'd be possible or not. I look upon myself with great confusion, wondering why I'd conjure up what sounds to be a tragic tale, only to give it a happy ending that seemingly comes out of nowhere.

The scary thing is that while I was writing this, I was on the roof, and I was seeing every single detail I described here. It's only when I resign to finishing up the story and hitting publish that I realize this is all in my mind. Perhaps now that it is in your mind too, that makes it a little more real.

For those sick of all this, I promise you, it won't go on forever. Soon enough, I'll be back to things like Buddhism, Math, programming, and obscure humor. This is just a temporary thing, but I'd like to see where I can take it before it fizzles out.

I'd love to hear what you think of this so far, either here or via the usual other ways of contacting me. I've had some interesting feedback so far, and I'm using it to guide the story. Please take this lightly as I continue to explore the realm of quasi-fiction, and try to enjoy it if you can.