So my girlfriend broke up with me last night. I can't say I'd blame her, but I do think she did it for all the wrong reasons.

What girlfriend you say? Oh, well, I suppose that has been something I've been a little too cloak and dagger about, with only two or three of you even knowing she ever existed. Even if I'm one to scream things from mountain tops, I can't help but yield to a stronger person who tells me to keep secrets locked tight within my heart.

The thing is, she's not allowed to date. I don't really know the back story because she never really told me it, but it seems typical enough: Asshole abusive dad, military type, controls everything she does in life even at 22. I didn't want to touch that shit with a ten foot pole, so it's fine by me that she wanted to be a bit clandestine.

Besides, I think the knowledge I was dating someone would cast aspersions into my social circle, who seems convinced that either I'm doomed to repressed homosexuality or that I'll eventually join a monastery. The latter seems more likely than the former, as my homophobic friends tend to mistake sexual confidence and general acceptance of others for sexual confusion. Nevertheless, neither of these things are true, because I have been dating a girl, if only in secret.

Alyssa was an interesting kind of girl I guess. Always keeping me an inch short of the foot of leeway I needed, knowing just what she could get away with. Being so submissive is not my style, but she had a sort of power over me. She has two of the three marks of romantic perfection, in that she's alarmingly beautiful and she's quite intelligent. The only problem was that, aside from the cat and mouse game and the air of secrecy, she was overwhelmingly boring.

Folks who know me, know I don't do well with boredom. Sure, we had some fun times for the first few weeks, but my interest quickly waned. Ever wondered why I've been playing so much Go lately? You have her to blame.

Once the fire dies out, the rest is just end game. I'd say that we had a nice September, and that it's just been downhill since then. Hell, I only saw her twice in January, and that includes last night. Speaking of which, might as well talk about that and get it over with.

She comes over around 11pm, piss drunk from the club and all fired up from talking with her dumb friends who hate me. Glorified valley girl replicas, these New Jersey queens do a good job of rattling poor Alyssa's confused head even if I am powerless to do the same. She's sitting on the couch while I finish up a game of Go, and I have to admit, with her slurring words like she was, I wasn't really paying attention.

Well, at least until a cup flew over my shoulder and smashed one of my favorite trinkets. It turns out, I had left some of my drawings and poetry out on the floor, and she had rifled through it, like she always did. I guess the cup was a sign she didn't like what she saw.

Rather than the uninspired prose and anemic doodles I'd been churning out for her in recent weeks, instead, she found deep, beautiful sonnets. Lovely limericks, and some handsome haiku.

She saw drawings that weren't exactly drawings, but coded messages of admiration and appreciation for someone who was... well... not her. The cup was just for the first one she saw. After she snatched my notebook from its not-secret-enough hiding place, my entire shelf of plates went crashing down onto the floor in what can only be described as a sea of glass.

I guess no one ever told her breakups don't necessarily involve breaking things. However, I took the hint, and before I could tell her that nothing ever happened between me and the... other girl, that it was mere curiosity and interest, she had already slammed my door and woken up most of my neighbors.

Something tells me I'll never see her again. Oh well. The only lesson I've learned here is that sometimes little lies pile up and make it hard to see the truth even when it's right in front of your eyes. Oh yeah... and also, that if you have a floor full of glass, don't walk around barefoot.