Of course, if you do practice Buddhism, this is a great way deepen your practice as well, as it encourages you to engage in daily mindfulness. I am going to use this post as a sort of diary of my notes and reactions as I work with each of the precepts. This is mainly for my own good, but I hope that the results are interesting to those who might be reading as well. If others are interested in working on these exercises at the same time as me, let me know, because it can be very helpful to have someone to share your experiences with.

Keep an eye on the comments section if you'd like to track my practice, or follow along on your own.

One night, we get tired of scraping off the goo, the residue. Remnants of a poem, no longer a metaphor:

Hearts tied like shoestrings
Legs tied like pretzels
Hands wrapped, doubts snapped

I think that my words can paint pictures
but your lips bring poetry in motion - 01.14

The dove seems so majestic as it flies in through the window. The dove tears shit up as it tries to make its way back out. Not quite naked but skin against skin, we realize, we've been living a lie.

I'm the only one for her, except for when I'm not. Sometimes, she thinks I'm her personal Jesus, other times, her Romeo. No one really knows what's going on, and my words fall on deaf ears that hold eardrums pierced by my incessant pining, my pitiful whining.

I seek salvation in a bottle, it doesn't come. I seek salvation in my old Buddy, it doesn't come:

I seek identity in anonymity.

We do not forgive, we do not forget. We are legion. Expect us.

Yet this, is not my salvation. Am I mocking myself? I've attached my face and name to it, I've already fallen.

I search for serenity by standing in solidarity against oppression. Free Tibet!

But these Chinese are not the ones who steal away my sleep at night. My personal doubts won't be eroded by my global activism. My chronology got lost in the waterfall, let's rewind.

She needed time, and I needed space. So I dropped the bottle and went back to the rock:

When you can't conquer romance, conquer nature. Make rocks your bitch. Make the rocks beg for mercy as you kick and climb over their frozen bodies. Cut your hands, bleed on them. Bang your knee, swear at them. Get to the top, and proclaim in front of one good friend and a lot of birds, that you're the king of the world. Then remember, how ridiculous that all sounds.

Remember that the heart and mind carry the weight of your love and attachment whether you're at the top of the world or down in the gutters. I get up there, and I say, "I wish she was here, she needs to be here"

And a week later, she was. "Let's just be friends", take two. The remix. And she and I go back between a rock and a hard place and overcome it together. "What, you waiting for me to take a picture?". You already have, dear. Keep it in your heart if you will.

And a day later, there's a four hour visit involving some elephants I shed a handful tears over, and some Kung Fu we shared laughs over. Go Go Power Rangers! And for some reason, the "White Bro" is not something I can call my friends.

Her hands reach for mine, my lips reach for hers, and the former is okay but the latter won't do. It's all my fault, except for when it's not. We're everything and nothing, the good and the bad.

"You started it!", a boy like me cries. "You don't know when to stop!", a girl like her shouts back.
But what happen? Did someone really set us up the bomb?

Nah, we just threw the label maker off the rocks and let it shatter where it landed. There is a sensual beauty in the fact that even our most serious arguments have humor. Even our deepest doubts have some shining light in them.

I'm not the only one in her life, and she makes it clear. She's got a secret-agent lover man off in the mists, and I've said, the less I know the better. I've said, we can't be doing this. She's said, we won't be doing this.

But me, I'm a fucking comet. I'm a ball of fire and ice that'll shatter any inhibitions that fall before me. She thinks I'm some kind of Jesus, but I'm Shiva, The Destroyer, The God of Death.

I'm every spicy food she's ever eaten. I'm the setting sun, burning through the sky reminding her that she can't hang on to the light. She's that lover that never really existed, but is more real than anything just the same.

She says she's cold as ice, I say "Watch out, you're gonna melt".

And for those who read this, even if it's you, mystic 20....

Don't worry about me. I'm just having fun. :)

The worst feeling of all is having something you've wanted for so long swing into reach, only to disappear as quickly as it arrived. But it's not the moment that causes this to happen, it's the white knuckled fists still trying to hang on to a bird that has already taken flight.

So, we try to be smart. We tell ourselves that we just won't run after the things we know we can't hold in our hands. We tell ourselves to limit our desires to that which is attainable, and when we do this, we're happy. But the heart and mind are not obedient. It seems like the stronger a person is at rationalizing, the more they struggle with accepting irrational truths.

Sometimes, the mad dash to catch a falling star is part of life, even if we know it's not where we should be. Sometimes, the only way to figure out what is right, is to do something wrong. The world unfolds in front of us, showing us the way, we only need to look and see what it is telling us.

The thing is, even if we slip up, even if we defy our best intentions to maintain control and discipline over ourselves, it's never too late to loosen the ties which bind us. The pain is mostly, not due to reaching for that shooting star, but through assuming that holding that star was really meant to be.

It is up to us to choose how we perceive things. We can say that we are so unfortunate because we never succeeded at holding a star in our hands, or we can say we were so lucky to get the chance to touch one.

In my life, I bounce back and forth, sometimes I follow the former path, sometimes the latter. However, I know that when my mind is clear, the path of gentle detachment makes me feel at ease.

This is not about being disconnected with the world, but more about feeling at ease with the world as it is. How do we go from complexity to simplicity in life? Not by yelling "Be Simple" at the world in a futile battle cry. Instead, we must allow ourselves to experience complex situations, make our mistakes, and do our misdeeds that we know aren't going to make life easier. Then, when we have come to accept that, we simply exhale them. Let them drop out from under us, and turn back to the world with a mind of equanimity and joy.

How beautiful would life be if we could turn moments of attachment and doubt into feelings of gentle curiosity and acceptance? How wonderful would it be to dive into the waterfall of life, and not try so hard to find a log to grab hold of and pull ourselves out?

With every moment, we are given the opportunity to turn a negative into a positive. It is my hope that I will be able to do this more and more often, for myself and those that I love.

This is why a four hour goodbye doesn't need to be so sad. It teaches us a valuable lesson. A falling star sometimes isn't meant to be caught, but that makes the moment no less beautiful.

New RubyForge Project Submitted

Project Full Name: Prawn
Submitted Description: Prawn is currently vaporware, but will perhaps eventually be a clean replacement for PDF::Writer, focusing on being tiny and nimble, just like the majestic sea creature.
License: Ruby License

The RubyForge admin team will now examine your project submission. You will be notified of their decision.

Hopefully Tom has a laugh when he sees this description. :)

If the RubyMendicant donors vote this up, Ruby will be blessed with yet another poorly named project!

I've been trying to think of an acronym to fit this...

PDF Reading And Writing Neatness

PDF Rubyish And Written Nimbly

But you know... I kind of just like the name Prawn. Some folks think shrimp are wimpy, I think they're little fucking troopers.

I won't claim to be nearly as knowledgeable as others on this topic, and probably am even much less interested in it than those who are at the core of this project, but it seems to me like there is enough verifiable claims in the message of their protests to lend some credence to their campaign.

However, there is a real problem that faces this group, and that is their association with Anonymous, of 4chan and 711chan fame. Or more accurately, it is the fact that some members of this group wish to paint a picture of a 'reformed' collective dedicated to peaceful actions in the name of human rights. This to me, is just silly.

Equally silly is any media who chooses to paint the group as homogeneously a bunch of mischievous hackers and miscreants. The Church of Scientology has gone to great lengths to support this view, but without even taking a position on the political issues here:

A group of people conversing and organizing anonymously are by definition, undefined in motives and purpose.

I pretty much feel like this sort of 'smoke screen' has actually served to gain the group a lot of media coverage, even if some of it has been negative. We're seeing something truly amazing here, regardless if you're interested in the actual issues at hand. The internet is being used in an extremely innovative way to empower common people to fight against things they perceive as oppression. Even if this isn't my fight, or yours, we can learn a lesson from the methods this group uses.

Still, I wonder if those interested in furthering this fight against Scientology would benefit from a little more specification. The media commonly speaks about Anonymous, but rarely about Project Chanology. The former is very hard to put a finger on, running the gambit from lolcat pics, to terrorist threats, to stolen myspace passwords, to political activism. The latter project has proven to be peaceful, effective, and extremely well organized given its decentralized nature.

My feeling is that the media needs to know about Project Chanology, and that the Anons fighting this fight need to let them know about this. Now that the shock factor of the group has been established, its probably time to put a little more focus on it so that people like my parents can start understanding what this sort of thing is really all about when they hear it on the news.

Maybe that's a little too much to ask for from folks going for the epic lulz, but I think it'd do a whole lot to broaden the effort and separate those who would cause crime from those who are doing a good thing for society, if only through their demonstration of the power of civil action.

Also, to really go for the win, some of these kids will eventually need to take off their masks. It will take a whole lot of acceptance from society to get to that stage. It's fine if they're not ready for that yet, I don't blame them, they're dealing with a scary opponent. I think it's a worthwhile goal to work towards though.

Of course, because the whole thing is leaderless and anonymous, your 'cyber-terrorist' and your 'civil-warrior' might be one in the same person. However, simply labeling this as a sub-project inspired by Anonymous, and not the overall goal of the collective, would be a sufficient way to bring more common, non-hackish people into the masses.

This post is in response to a YouTube video I just watched, which said pretty much everything I haven't been able to put in words while talking to friends about this. If you're into this sort of chaos, check it out:

It's interesting to me, because I've talked to some of my Chinese friends about this, actually, just before the riots broke out. It seems like they don't see the same picture that the western view paints, they look at the Dalai Lama as being a separatist, though all of the writings I've seen from and about him in English say no such thing.

It's amazing to me that people can see this so radically differently. This post almost makes me nauseated in its unabashed propaganda:

I think it'd easily move someone who didn't think about this issue or didn't have background on it, but if you look into it a little deeper, you see that the argument is about Tibet's separation, not Tibetan religious autonomy under Chinese rule.

The cases it makes are laughable, it brings you through some dramatic music that almost makes *me* want to weep and pray to Chairman Mao, until you realize that the primary argument is that all the maps drawn by Chinese rulers included Tibet. Even if this *were* an issue of Tibetan independence, that wouldn't hold water.

It culminates suggesting that North America should return its lands to the native people here, and that Australia should treat its natives better and 'head back to Europe'. Honestly, though this seems like it'll never happen, what's the point of this argument? That China is every bit as land hungry and nationalistic as Westerners, and somehow, that's okay? Fine, but it doesn't win me to any cause. History has shown us that these acts by Europeans were atrocities, not justified sacrifices in the name of nationalism. People who do not see it this way will continue to cause suffering in the world.

I don't know what's going on in Tibet, no one does. You can watch the Al-Jazeera video which is a compilation of footage shot by Xinhua (Chinese Government's Official Media), but I have a hard time believing their coverage would be any more fair and balanced than Fox News, and that's scary.

Even in this Han Chinese-leaning video, they make two important points:

1) The footage we're seeing is coming straight from the PRC, not any dissenters

2) The Tibetan people are more interested in religious freedom than material wealth

Still, the footage shows violence that's clearly not faked. It is a shame that we don't know what's really going on, and who provoked who. Without independent analysis, how can we?

The Dalai Lama is not, as this news footage implies, the 'head of the Buddhist church', since there is no such centralized thing, but is indeed the spiritual leader of Tibetan buddhism and the the Tibetan people. He has advocated non-violence and seeks an independent investigation of the situation, seeing as how the media is portraying him as the mastermind behind this chaos.

Meanwhile, the Chinese have blocked YouTube and are systematically trying to disrupt any attempts to voice dissenting views of the situation.

Of course, I have my biases. As a practicing Buddhist who has read a number of the Dalai Lama's books, I admittedly trust him on his word. Still, I don't discount the possibility that the Tibetan people may have caused a violent uprising in the hopes of going beyond the Dalai Lama's wishes for autonomy, in a fight for independence. I think this is a dangerous road to go down, and I hope that the violence stops immediately and that things can become stabilized.

Nevertheless, The Dalai Lama is giving me reasons to trust him, by suggesting the situation should be independently reviewed and denouncing the violence. The Chinese Government have not given me a reason to trust them, as they are actively trying to silence any dissent. They use the fact that the Dalai Lama will not order the Tibetans to call off the protests to paint him as counter-revolutionary. Hopefully, those with thinking minds will realize that until we know what's going on in Tibet, no one can make any demands for surrender that'd make any sense, regardless of who is right or wrong.

It is sad that in situations like this, I feel so powerless. I can only send thoughts of loving kindness to the Chinese and Tibetans involved in this, and hope that peace will come, without the need for forceful suppression.

This goes to show you not all cops are bad. LAPD officer giving a polite word of a caution to Anonymous at the March 15th rallies against the Church of Scientology.

The word forever,
always promised, never true;
save my love for you.

~*~

The stream in the wind,
waves forming without effort;
Birds fly overhead.

~*~

People go to work,
while I sit on this high rock;
To thine self be true.

~*~

Branches in the wind,
wave hello then say goodbye;
It is so still now.

~*~

The clouds promise rain,
a cold mist is in the air;
Where did the sun go?

~*~

Sun behind a cloud,
Shining through its foggy veil;
A hidden gemstone.

~*~

Weakness in my knees,
I wish she were here with me;
So I could be warm.

~*~

Difficult questions in love suck! If only I could make up great lies like this...

Dinko reminded me last night that in matters of romance, I have to remember to take care of myself, too. I guess I haven't been doing too good of a job of that lately.